I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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