this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
