Pregnant stripper...not hot.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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