The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
