Swine flu. Run for my life!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
