at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
