how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize