Do you still have your period?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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