Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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