Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I came so hard my ears popped.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
