yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
