Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
