Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
