he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
