I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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