Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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