so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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