did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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