Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
