I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
