i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
