tequila makes me forget i have legs
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
