Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
