OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
