CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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