Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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