Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
