so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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