Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
