The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize