Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I did not marry a roomba.
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