Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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