Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Boobs are out for the taking
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
