the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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