I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
