so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
