Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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