I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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