Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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