so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
