this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I need to calm my uterus...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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