He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
