You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
