he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
