so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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