it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
