Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
