im drinking this country out of the recession.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
