i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
