Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize