so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
