I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
