She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
