She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
