I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
