I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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