Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
