sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
