"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
false alarm. still invincible.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
