The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
