I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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