at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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