What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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