her vagine was all disorganized.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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