If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
