if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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