and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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