I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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