Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
