come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize