I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
