i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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