Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
