I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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