And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
