i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize