My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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