Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
