Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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