I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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