Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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