There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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