Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
