I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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