I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
