two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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