cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
