And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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