when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Me too!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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