NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
