4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
