Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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