Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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