So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
