Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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