i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
