was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
