Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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