Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just invented taco cereal.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
