absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
