I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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