Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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