There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
