I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
